Seto Kaiba's Kickassia ch 1

Seto Kaiba sighed. It was one of those rare occasions, where there were no tournaments to prepare, no meetings to attend, and, more surprisingly than that, no Mokuba to rescue from villain number "who-knows-what". It was truly a boring afternoon in the young CEO's office.

"I don't understand. I have everything I could possibly want: money, a multi-million dollar company, and even Mokuba. So why do I still fell like there is something missing?" he thought, staring at the city below, through the windows behind his desk on the top floor of KaibaCorp. Behind him, his brother Mokuba looked at him, wondering what was on his brother's mind.

With nothing else to do, Kaiba decided to get out his laptop, and aimlessly surf around the Internet, trying to find something that would entertain him. After several minutes, he was about to give up, when a website advertising a small country caught his eye.

"Molossia...? I've never heard of that country before..."

Clicking on the link, he quickly found out why. On the front page, it said that the country was actually a micro-nation, and that it was only made up of 1.3 acres of land, but, because of some strange loophole, it was considered a nation.

As Kaiba stared at the screen, a smile slowly made it's way across his face. "That's it!!"

"Great, another puppy just died..." thought Mokuba.

"What's going on, big brother?"

"Pack your bags, Mokuba, we're going on a little trip."

---

On the next day, Kaiba and Mokuba arrived at a small house in the middle of Nevada. Kaiba told Mokuba to be quiet, and let him handle all the talking, as he knocked on the door. A few seconds later, a man with  a beard, glasses, a cap, a red sweater, and brown trousers opened the door.

"I'm sure you already know who I am, and I certainly don't care who you are, other than the single fact that you're the owner of this piece of land." said Kaiba. The man at the door just stood there, not saying a word.

"I will get right to the point. I want to buy this country from you, and am willing to pay any price."

The man continued to stay silent, as if considering his offer. However, just as Kaiba thought that he was going to accept it, the man took a few steps back, and shut the door on his face.

Kaiba just stood there, staring at the door angrily. Then, he retreated, calling Mokuba to come with him, and disappeared into the Blue Eyes White Jet.

"Why do they always have to pick the hard way?" Mokuba asked himself, while following him.

Kaiba then powered up the jet, and flew it a couple yards, until he parked it next to a hotel.

"Big brother, why couldn't we have just walked here?"

"We're rich, Mokuba. I wouldn't be able to show it off if I had walked here."

"Oh..."

Kaiba checked into a hotel room, and went back to his computer. He clicked the link to Molossia again, and stared at the screen.

"Molossia..."

As he stared at it, he came to the realization that money would not help him now, and that perhaps it would be best to go to the next best thing. Grudgingly, he knew that only meant one thing: calling for help. Cringing at the mere idea, he turned on his web-cam, and called the last person that he ever thought he would be asking for help.

"Hello?" said a voice on the other side. Kaiba looked on to see the face of his rival, Yugi Motou.

"I... need your help." said Kaiba, still not believing he was doing this, and at the same time mentally kicking himself for it.

"Kaiba? Is that you?" said a different, deeper voice. By now, Kaiba was really regretting his decision of invading this small country.

"Oh, great..." he mumbled, as Yami appeared on the screen, next to Yugi.

"Did I hear correctly? Did the great Seto Kaiba say that he needs help? That he needs our help?"

"I told Mokuba that this was a bad idea..."

"But, big brother, this was your idea..."

"Shut up, Mokuba!"

On the other side, he could see Yami practically falling down from laughing so much. "Hey, Joey, you gotta see this! Kaiba just asked for our help!"

"Nyeh!!!! No way!" said Joey, now also visible on the video. "What happened? Did his money finally run out?"

"Don't push it, Wheeler! I'm only calling Yugi because I don't have a choice." However, they just seemed to ignore him.

"Great. Well, at least the friendship girl isn't among them..."

"Hey guys. What's with all the laughter?" asked a feminine voice on the other side.

"No..."

"Oh, hi Tea. Kaiba is just calling us to ask us for something."

"I knew the day would come when he would embrace our friendship!"

Kaiba just lowered his head, mumbling every curse word he knew under his breath. By now, he was WAY past regretting his decision. However, he had a goal on his mind, and he would be DAMNED if he would let little annoyances such as these get in the way of achieving it.

"Can we please just get back to the point of this call?"

"There was a point?" asked Joey, finally managing to get back up on his feet.

"You know what? Forget it! I don't even now what I was thinking!" Kaiba said angrily, about to disconnect the web-cam.

"Okay, fine, just tell us what you want, you big baby!" said Yami.

"It's another card game tournament, isn't it?"

"No."

Everyone on the other side gasped at Kaiba's answer.

"Blasphemy!!" screamed Tristan.

"For once I agree with Tristan. What could be more important than playing a children's card game?" said Yugi.

"I want to take over a nation, but I need an army."

"And you're calling us because..."

"Think about it... you could help me control your very own country!!!"

It took Yugi's friends a total of five seconds to decide. "YES!!!"

Kaiba smirked. "Glad to see you agree. Just get over here to Molossia and..."

"Mo-what?" asked Joey.

"It's in Nevada!"

"Right, so we're just supposed to walk over to Nevada... from Japan..."

"I'll fly everyone over. There, is that better?"

"And where are we gonna stay?"

Kaiba's smirk grew bigger. "Don't worry, I booked everyone a hotel room..."

---

On the next day, a plane arrived at Nevada, and Yugi and his friends got off, only to see Kaiba and Mokuba already there waiting for them.

"Man, it sure was nice of you to book us a room at the hotel, Kaiba." said Yugi.

"Prepare to be surprised." he said, as he got on a car, and the driver drove everyone to the hotel.

---

At the same time, on the cargo part of the plane, a white haired teen stumbled out of the plane, complaining that his back hurt.

"Really nice idea, Marik... why did we decide to follow the Pharaoh and his friends ON THE BACK OF THEIR PLANE?!"

"Well, we don't exactly have a lot of money, so we couldn't pay for all the tickets..." said Marik, when he got out of the plane after the white haired other.

"I wonder whose fault that is..."

"Don't be so difficult, Fluffy! We got here, didn't we?"

"Why are we here, anyway?"

"Because of my new plan to destroy the Pharaoh!" said Marik, laughing maniacally.

"And what makes you think it will work this time?"

"Yeah, dude." said Rex, exiting the plane after them, followed by Weevil.

"Silence, you fools!"

"So, how do you plan to know where the Pharaoh is, anyway?" asked Bakura. Almost immediately, he regretted it, because everyone focused their gaze on him. "Oh bullocks..."

---

A few hours later, everyone checked in to the hotel that Kaiba had managed to get, and, as promised, he did book everyone a hotel room. Problem was, it was one hotel room that everyone had to share.

"Wow, didn't see this one coming..." said Yugi, not surprised with the CEO's actions. Right next to him, Yami just stared ahead, until he noticed Marik absentmindedly humming a tune to himself.

"Marik? How did you get here?"

"The same way you did. It seems Kaiba really needed all the help he could get." said the Egyptian, quickly making up an excuse. Yami found this to be very suspicious, but paid it no mind. As they continued to wait for Kaiba, a thought struck the Pharaoh and he turned to Marik and nudged him.

"Hey, didn't you used to be that "Melvin" guy?"

The color completely left Marik's face at the mention of that name. "What? N-no, I have no idea what you're talking about..." he said, as he turned away quickly to avoid the other's eyes.

"No, no, you were always ranting on about taking over the world, and threatening to give everyone hugs..."

"NO!!!" Marik shouted, as he turned to face Yami once more. "I mean, I was before, but... that was the past!" he said, looking away again in a dramatic way.

Yami looked at him, and then looked away. "Okay, I'm just gonna ignore you now..."

At that moment, Seto finally arrived at the hotel room. Taking a few steps forward, he turned to face all those who were present.

"Alright, is everyone here?"

"I sure as hell hope so, because we can't fit any more people in this room!"

Kaiba scowled at the response, but otherwise payed it no mind. "As you already know, we are here to take this country, and make it our own."

"Why" asked Mai.

Kaiba just stared at her. "Do you really think that anybody else cares about such a-"

"WHY?" asked everyone present.

"Okay, okay." said Kaiba, somewhat annoyed. "We have standing before us a great opportunity. The opportunity to do the best and most awesome thing that any of us have ever dreamed of doing. We have before us the chance to take a country, and rebuild it to our image!"

"Don't you mean "rebuild it to your image"?" asked Yami. The others thought it was a very good point, but Kaiba assured them that his ego would be kept well under control.

"But this just an acre of land! What can we do with an acre of land?" asked Bakura.

"What can't we do with an acre of land? People, what may start off as just an acre of land, will blossom into something much greater than that!"

"Yeah, like two acres of land!" said Bakura.

At this point, Kaiba was starting to get really pissed off. "Look, if you don't want to help, just leave! Nobody is making you stay!"

"What, and miss the chance to see how this wonderful plan will pay off? I wouldn't dream of it!"

Kaiba then fixed his gaze on everyone else. "Does anybody else have anything against our plan?"

"What plan? You never explained anything!!"

"It's very simple: we go in, take the place by force, and by nightfall, we will be kings of Molossia!! After that, we will take over the neighbors down the street, and then their neighbors, and then their neighbors, until we have a military force so powerful, that nobody will be able to stop us!! " Kaiba said, and everyone just cheered.

"Oh yeah... this plan is gonna work out just fine! His plans make Marik's seem well thought out and intimidating!" Bakura mumbled to himself.

As everyone was talking amongst themselves, Kaiba brought Tea to the side.

"As the obvious future President of our great nation, I'm gonna need a vice-president. And I wanted you to have the job."

"Why?"

"We will need someone to motivate the troops, and I think you're the person for the job. So, do you accept?"

Tea thought for a moment, and nodded.

"Excellent." He then turned to his troops.

"Everyone, we have a nation to conquer! So, let's go, and show them what the Kaiba army is capable of!!!" said Tea, and everyone walked out of the room, yelling war cries. After a few moments, the only people still in the room were Kaiba, and his brother Mokuba.

"Seto, why did you pick her to be  the vice-president, and not me?"

"Because she is the perfect person to pin the blame, if anything goes wrong. Everyone is so sick of her friendship speeches, that if something does go wrong, they will start to complain. She will try to calm them all down with a speech, and they will be so annoyed, that they will probably forget all about what they were fighting about in the first place." Kaiba answered, exiting the room with Mokuba.

---

Back in the President's home, he was sitting on his computer working, when he saw a group of people somewhat far way, slowly walking towards his house. He went outside to see that the group had Duel Monsters hovering over their heads, one for each of them. There was a Blue Eyes White Dragon, a Red Eyes Black Dragon, a Dark Magician, a Kuriboh, a Shining Friendship, a Dark Necrofear, a Thunder Kid, a  Harpie Lady, a Makyura the Destructor, among others. The president, however, wasn't intimidated by the army of monsters, or by the people controlling them.

"CHARGE!!!"  Kaiba yelled, when they were already half way to the house. Everyone started running, preparing to take the house by force. However, once they were close enough, the president revealed what he had been hiding behind his back he whole time: a machine gun.

The attacking group, afraid that they might get shot at, retreated in fear and screaming, and the summoned monsters disappeared as they did. The president then smiled, proud that he managed to defend his land, and retreated back inside.

---

Back at the hotel, the group sat on the two available beds, sulking.

"Didn't you have any other plan other than running in with a bunch of Duel Monsters, and screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!" ?" asked Yugi.

"Well, I didn't think that far ahead!" said Kaiba, annoyed.

"No, you just thought up to the point were everyone was in charge, and you were ruling the fucking world!!" said Yami.

"Yeah..." mumbled Kaiba.

"Well, it doesn't work like that! You need to have a strategy!"

Mai then got up. "My breasts declare this sucking!"

"Me too! I have more important things to do... in America!" said Bandit Keith, who got up and prepared to leave too. Everyone else then started to follow suit, thinking that the whole thing had been nothing more than a big waste of time.

"Wait! Do you dare leave now in your moment of victory?"

"I would never leave you, big brother!" said Mokuba standing by his brother's side.

"Shut up, Mokuba!"

"Then what do you suggest we do?"

"All we need is to come up with a foolproof plan!"

"How about if we sang some Lady Gaga songs?" suggested Marik. Bakura immediately started to pray to any entity who would hear him that Kaiba would reject the idea.

"Nah, that's just stupid!" Kaiba replied. Marik looked down in disappointment, missing Bakura's look of relief.

"How about we use the power of friend-"

"NO!!!!!" everyone said at the same time.

"Aww..."

"How about we launch a giant fireball at them, and completely destroy the place?" said a voice from the outside. Everyone went to the balcony to see that Zorc was there as well.

"No!" yelled Kaiba. "And how did you get here, anyway?"

"I just want to belong..."

"Go away!"

Zorc looked about as disappointed as Marik did when his idea got rejected, and walked away.

"Hey guys, this may be a shot in the dark, but what if we used real weapons, since that guy was able to use a machine gun?" asked Yugi.

"Nah, that's a terrible idea..." Kaiba said, and kept thinking. A second later, he shouted. "Wait!! I have an idea!"

"Does it involve using weapons?" asked Yugi, annoyed.

"It involves using weapons!!"

"Yeah, I thought it would..." mumbled Yugi, as he returned to his seat.

"Come on, Mokuba we need to make arrangements with KaibaCorp to start bringing us all we need."

"What about the others, Seto?"

"Let them be here, we'll come back tomorrow with everything." Kaiba then left the room, and everyone else was left to ponder on what exactly they had gotten themselves into.

---

The next day, Kaiba returned to the overcrowded room with tons of suitcases, while still carrying his usual briefcase in one of his hands.

"Alright troops, we have for you all the weapons you will ever need. So, go to a suitcase, and pic any weapon."

Joey was the first one to get to the suitcases, and grabbed two machine guns. "Sweet!"

The others were shocked that Kaiba got such weapons, but they heard that KaibaCorp had once manufactured weapons, so they guessed it would be easy for the CEO to get his hands on some that may have escaped the destruction of the old corporation to make room for the new.

One by one, the rest of them went, and got their weapons. Bandit Keith got a shotgun, Tristan got a baseball bat, which everyone thought was a good idea that he got to handle something that didn't involve explosives in any way. Bakura got a gun that could shoot magical bullets, and rays. Yugi got a sword, Duke Devlin got a bazooka, Rex and Weevil both decided to team up, and create some sort of attack together, although they began to fight over who got one of the swords, Marik got a normal gun, despite him wanting a gun like Bakura's, Mai also got a regular gun, and only wondered if she would be able to fire it, and Yami got what they all considered was the worst weapon of all.

"A pea shooter?!"

"Yeah, so?"

"Everyone else got a gun, or a sword, but I got a pea shooter?!"

Kaiba smirked. "You're the King of Games. You'll figure out some way to make this weapon powerful." he then turned his attention to everyone else.

"Now then, now that everyone is armed, we can finally go to the battlefield! We will give them the battle of a lifetime, one that they soon won't forget! And this time, victory shall truly be ours!!!"

Everyone cheered, and got out to prepare for the battle to come, one that would change their lifes in more ways than one.